PLEASE HELP ME!!! – PoorBride101 Food For Thought

There used to be a time when food was literally the only reason people went to shaadi biyaah. Back then, it didn’t matter whose wedding it was. Going for food (and girls for some) on Saima aunty ki chachi kay bhateejy kay baitay ki shaadi seemed totally normal. However, ever since the one dish rule got introduced in Lahore, the wedding attendee charm came crashing down. Now one needs to be GENUINELY involved in the bride/grooms life in one way or another to actually make an effort to get ready in cham cham chubnay walay kapray just to eat the typical miserable chicken Qorma and naam ki biryani because it is actually just pulao with yellow food color.

Yeah yeah, I must be sounding like a hungry snob who just cares about food and more food on weddings and doesn’t care about the actual reason why the one dish rule was made. But hey, I totally understand that. The fact that majority of the people cannot afford to have an extravagant display of wealth on weddings and especially the food is totally understandable and makes complete sense too in our society. But does it really have to be Qorma and Biryani in literally 97% of Lahori weddings?!?!

I know that playing it safe is easy and not risky at all but us Lahoris are literally only known for food…and hospitality (non Lahoris think otherwise about the hospitality part though) so can’t we play around with a menu a little bit?

The ones who do, generally just opt for substituting chicken with mutton. Take for example, the other day I met up with a friend who is about to get married in a few months. The extent of her gloomy mood was so much that she literally skipped dessert at Sweet Tooth! I mean who even does that?! Anyway, upon inquiring, she told us how she and her fiancé, are fighting about the wedding menu. The groom wants to replace any kind of chicken with mutton i.e. Mutton Biryani, Mutton Qorma and Mutton Tikka because it will leave a good impression with the guests! I think he would even love to  add a mutton salad, mutton raita and mutton trifle if he could because that is how persistent he is on turning the wedding into a mutton fest!

My friend, we will call her…PoorBride101 (yes that is what we will call her) believes there will be too much mutton on her wedding. She has even presented a neatly made list of everything that is wrong with an all mutton menu to her groom whom we will call GroomZilla666 (yes he deserves it). The fact that she is worried about mutton breath and mutton farts on her wedding night makes complete sense to me. Poor PoorBride101, she has nothing to look forward to anymore.

So the point is, haso, khelo, muskurao kiunkay kal ho na ho. HAHA JK, excuse my dramatic self right now. Coming back to the point, I wonder why we can’t just ditch the Chicken Qorma and Biryani altogether? Why not have Thai, Chinese, Italian instead? Or, if you cannot take such a big step, how about just substituting it with other desi dishes? Such as Chicken Makhni, Rajhistani and all the other names that make no sense (to me at least). I literally just order the most fancy looking name in the menu and it always turns out be a good decision.

Look at me, going off topic again. Anyway, I still fail to understand why we do not opt for our guests getting served on the table, a pretty plate for every person? Just like how they do in restaurants. That would really impress the guests now, instead of plain old mutton that GroomZilla666 is so persistent on.

Honestly if it was my wedding, I’d have a complete Potato Menu. Fries, curly fries, Aloo ki bhujia, Aloo Karahi, Aloo gosht etc etc. But then my groom would probably refuse to marry me. But hey, that is just me.

So the point, my dear Lahoris is that we need to step up and change the game. Make the elders understand that there is a world outside biryani and qorma. A Pakistani cuisine world too which might make sense to them and grooms like GroomZilla666.

Also,if you’re planning to serve or have served food other than Qorma/Biryani, let us know and we will announce you as our Hero/Heroine of the month, if not a year!

Aimen Tofique – a whirlwind of chaos